My church and work have been great assets to me in regards to dealing with Christopher's diagnosis. We also have a supportive network of family and friends but I'm not sure I would be as comfortable as I am without our outside networks. I do consider most of the people I work with as friends. When we have activities outside of work it is the work friends that I tend to invite. Church is also an asset because we do attend regularly and people genuinely want to know how Christopher is doing. (I had numerous posts of support on my facebook page regarding Christopher yelling out during church service this week). Everyone reminds me that he is only 3 and the behaviors that he exhibits is not really that much out of the ordinary.
We had a sermon a couple of weeks ago titled "Don't Worry Be Happy". Easier said than done. I worry all of the time about Christopher's future. I am trying to do better and take it one day at a time. Christopher is talking more and a lot of it is gibberish that I can't understand and I wonder if he will still be talking gibberish at 5 or 6 years old. What am I going to do when we're someplace and he is too big for me pick up and take where I want him to go? I have almost dropped this child more times than I could count because of how he uses his body to push away from me. I am still feeling the stress from yesterday's battle in my back and shoulders. What happens when he is too big to "man-handle"? I worry about his educational future. Will he still be in Special Education when he gets to Kindergarten? How many fights will I have with the school system about his education? Will he graduate with a regular diploma and go to college? Get married? Have kids? Will he be happy? Will he be a burden to Allison or other family?
Every time I hear about another child being diagnosed or being suspected of an Autism related disorder, my heart breaks for them. I try to be supportive and let them know the ins and outs of the diagnosis. I am happy to be a support to them and in helping them, I am helping myself. It is never a drainage on me and I want to know how everyone is doing. I do feel bad at times when my child is making more success than another child. It can be hard to brag on your child when you know the person you are talking to is in a rough patch. I hope that I am able to show how happy I am for someone else when they have made progress even if I am in a more negative spot.
My work has become increasingly difficult. I work with a lot of people with Autism and it is almost impossible to not bring myself into the work. It has helped build rapport because they know I understand but that is not what I am there for. I am going to school to become a teacher and even though the thought of teaching special ed has become more tempting I continuously remind myself (and my friends remind me too) that it would not be a good idea.
Overall, I'm trying to not worry and be happy. I'm trying to take each day in stride and concentrate on the successes.
He was SO cute on Sunday!! We could use him in there more often to get the adults to loosen up:) And you're right...he's a 3 year old and that was totally normal behavior. I worked at a daycare with several autistic kids, and Christopher is by far the smartest and most social autistic child that I've spent time around. You're doing good work, Momma!
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