What's missing...

We had Christopher's IEP yesterday.  I think it went fairly well.  Pre-school has been good for him, although I'm sure I'll need to let the summer teacher know to write in his book.  The thought of the next IEP as we prepare for Kindergarten is scary though.  My goals for him include being able to participate in the regular education classroom (hopefully without an aide 1-on-1) and to ride the regular bus.  His sister has one year on the bus with him before she changes to middle school and leaving an hour earlier.  I think we would have more success if he has her to help him for that year.  If we miss that window, I see him riding a special bus through the rest of school.

While that is on my mind, it is not what's missing...  I just read a post on Facebook about what kids with Autism wishes everyone else understood (It's posted at the bottom).  Some of these things apply to us more than others.  It was when I got to number 9 that it really clicked (don't read ahead just yet, I'm getting there).  Another post written a couple of days ago by a friend came to mind about a conversation she had with her son, who is close to Christopher's age and also has autism.  She wrote about their exchange of "I love you".  I can get hugs and even once in a while a kiss from Christopher (although he thinks it is fun to wipe off kisses).  My family has never been one to verbalize emotions well but it is that silence after telling Christopher "I love you" that clicked with me today.  That is what is missing...the "I love you mommy" that is supposed to follow.  While this does make me tear up a little, my goal is not to achieve pitty but to motivate myself to be more vocal in emotions and telling the people around me that I love them and with time, maybe those missing words while cross his lips too.

10 Things My Autistic Kids Wished You Knew.
1. I’m sorry I have fits but I’m not a spoiled brat. I’m just so much younger on the inside than I am on the outside.

2. I’m easily overwhelmed because I see and hear everything. I hear the lights hum and clock tick. Everything is so loud it makes my head hurt all the time and my eyes hurt from all the bright lights.

3. I’m not stupid, I’m actually ve...ry smart. I just don’t learn the way you want me to. Please learn about Autism so you know how to help me better understand what you are trying to teach.

4. Please don’t be mad at mommy and daddy because we don’t come over for holidays or birthdays. They really want to go but I don’t do well at another person’s house. It’s too overwhelming for me and they know that. They don’t go because they love me, NOT because they don’t like you.

5. Please have patience with me. I try really hard to make good decisions but I can be very impulsive at times.

6. Yes, I have Autism but that doesn’t mean I’m less of a person because of it. If anything, I’m actually more of a person in spite of it.

7. My house might be messy sometimes. It’s because my mommy and daddy spend all their time trying to find new ways to help me or teach my brother to talk..

8. Just because I can’t talk doesn’t mean I don’t understand what you are saying. My feelings can be hurt just like yours.

9. I wish my mommy and daddy knew how much I love them. I have a really hard time with emotions and I don’t always like to be touched. But I love them more than anything in the world, even more then my Lego’s.

10. I know I can be frustrating but don’t tell me I won’t amount to anything because I have Autism. If you love and support me I WILL do great things in my life in spite of my challenges. ♥

By lostandtired

Parent Teacher Conference

We had Christopher's parent/teacher conference last night.  He continues to do well overall but has some definite deficits.  He has mastered the concept that people have names and knows his friends at school.  Socially, he will give his friends a hug and play with them on occasion.  There is more success when he is outside and is in a "tag" sort of mood.  He still prefers parallel play or complete independence. Communication continues to improve.  There are a lot of times that I still can not understand what he is trying to say but he is saying it in full sentences. 

I think my biggest concern is his need for "adult support" (as it is written in his IEP).  Essentially, this means he requires a teacher's aide to be with him individually ALL of the time.  He gets a little more freedom during free play activities.  He will not sit for circle time or for table activities for extended amounts of time without an adult with him.  This is a skill he must have by kindergarten.  A teacher with one classroom aide for 20+ kids will not be functional for him when he needs this much support in a class with 10 kids, a teacher and 2 classroom aides.

Academically, I think he will be a successful learner but I think it may take longer or a different route to get there.  He can identify some written words but they are words he uses frequently with Thomas, You-tube or other things he wants to type to bring up on the computer.  I haven't tried to have him type Christopher lately. He was getting pretty close to that before.  One of the recommendations listed was for us to post words around the house labeling objects.  We also work on counting and letter identification all of the time.  Perhaps his greatest strength/interest will also be a hindrance, he loves the computer, TV and Kindle Fire but we need to pull him out of the world of electronics and be able to focus on other things.

We have come a long way but we still have so much more to do. 

I'm the mom

I was a bit skeptical when Christopher started pre-school after his birthday.  My fears have slowly dissipated and I ended the school year feeling good about how it had gone.  Summer school has been a totally different matter.  For some reason the school and bus don't want to deal with me.  Before the term started I expected to receive a phone call regarding the transportation.  The call never came so I had to bug the bus garage to make sure Christopher wasn't going to get left at school.  When he started in January the driver made an extra trip to meet myself and Christopher and have him get used to the van.  I talked to the summer bus driver and it was like I was an annoyance in wanting to make sure everything was set up.  Apparently he had called the sitter to arrange for Christopher's drop off.  I ended up having to alter his transportation arrangement and called the bus garage to get it set up.  I wasn't able to speak to the person in charge so I left a message about the change and was told I would get a call back.  I left MY number.  The change involved adding a pick-up for Christopher in the morning at his sitters.  Did I get the call back? NO.  The driver told the sitter that he would be there to get Christopher at 8:15.  Don't you think I'd like to know this information.  Anyway, its all settled and tomorrow is the first day of the new routine.  You better believe I'll be noting this if I get any evaluations to fill out, but then they may just go right to the sitter.

Okay so now I'll move off of the bus and talk about school.  Does anyone know what an IEP is?  That magic little legal document that outlines the services.  I give it a few days and no one is writing in the communication book.  I write a note to please write in the communication book, still nothing.  I have to call the teacher, and ended up getting a substitute to tell them to write in his communication book.  Summer school is only 4-5 weeks long, who needs a substitute the second week?  I let it slide.  At least now she is writing in the book.  When I talk to the sitter she requests a way to know if Christopher has eaten his lunch since he is so picky and she gives him something when he gets off of the bus.  I write a somewhat lengthy blurb in his communication book about a particular achievement we have made and at the end I write a request to write how well he ate his lunch.  Do you think they did that?  NOPE!  I also noted for them (because I'm about 100% sure they don't know what an IEP is) that Christopher has an allowance for an adaptable chair.  She did let me know that they were not using the chair and he was sitting at the table.  I will have to follow-up with his regular teacher about whether or not to use the chair when school starts in August.

My overall opinion of extended school year so far: a D-.  That's being hopeful that he is receiving some socialization and educational services while he is there.

By the way, the achievement: I got Christopher to say his name in response to "who are you", although you wouldn't know he said Christopher.