To everything there is a season....

To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.

Things are changing in our house.  The first major change is the reason I'm awake at 1 am to write this.  I got a part time job that is supposed to be my fun money.  The fun right now is working to get things caught up and cover a few extras.  There are further employment changes coming.  I've put in my notice to leave the safety and security of a job I've held for the past 5 years to begin a new program in the community.  Its scary and exciting at the same time.  I've become the "go-to" person at the office for anything and everything, which could be one of the precipitating factors for wanting to leave.  When there is a question about anything, I seem to be the first person people run to.  Even though people understand my decision to leave, I have caused several people (and more to come) sadness.  It's hard to disappoint people, even when its "just a job".  I've taken pride in my work and the reputation that I have in the community. 

Things are starting to catch up with me.  I'm near the point of exhaustion.  I have 2 weeks of school to finish a bunch of work.  To reduce that stress, I'm only taking one class next term instead of 2.  I'm taking a break from my reading to do this entry.  It's been a while since I wrote anything too.  The full time job has had me busy and the part time job wears me out on the weekends.  There is absolutely no time to clean my house or do laundry.  I'm short tempered and irritable.  I want to go lay in my bed and sleep for a week.

On a separate note, Christopher continues to do spectacularly.  Both kids are off from school but Christopher goes back for the month July.  He is trying to say more.  We don't always understand what he's saying.  He's also showing just how smart he is.  If we can get him to "perform" I don't see any problem with him going to regular ed Kindergarten.  He still has 2 years of pre-school to get ready for that obstacle.  The clapping and yelling in church has become expected.  He's doing better at staying for all of the singing and letting me hold him.  He may be able to sit through a church service eventually.

Allison goes away for her first week of camp in another week.  She's planning to be gone for two weeks.  She leaves on Sunday and returns on Saturday for Girl Scout Camp.  Church camp runs the following week.  I'm thinking she's going to be too intolerable to do both weeks.

Collateral Damage

There can be a  lot of collateral damage when there is a special needs child in the family.  Often times, siblings are forced to grow up faster and put things aside because of their sibling.  Resentment can grow between the children, between the parents and even between the parent and child.  There can be so much added stress on the family that can result in the family separating. 

Our goal has always been to give Allison her individual time and to pursue her activities.  The last couple of days have been spent doing just that.  She got some extra Mommy-Daughter time yesterday with tumbling class and then a trip to the mall to buy some shoes and get some ice cream.  I took her to Girl Scouts tonight even though I didn't really feel like it.  She had a blast.  Danny or my mom keeps Christopher so she doesn't have to share this time with her brother.  I try to keep her time for just her.  When I have Christopher along, I have a lot more anxiety and usually want to get done and out of there. 

When Christopher was receiving Birth to Three services it was difficult on Allison.  I would send her down to my mom's, outside, or to her room to play because she wanted to be in the middle of everything.  I tried to do things when she was at school or had other activities.  I would explain that she went to school and this was like Christopher's school, but through her eyes, Christopher got to play with some neat toys and she wasn't allowed.  Since he graduated and started pre-school that has been easier.  She asks about his school and wants to visit but he only has school when she does too.

Allison has been a great helper and she might be growing up a little faster than she would have otherwise but she is fulfilling her role of big sister.  I think that would have happened Autism or not.  They are able to go outside and play and she will help keep an eye on Christopher.  She can turn his cartoons on the television and play Nintendo DS with him.  And like any big sister would, she gets aggrevated when he comes in her room and its not under her terms.  And if anything gets lost or broken, Christopher did it.

Take it for granted

Perhaps one of the most difficult things to come to terms with are the delays that Christopher exhibits when I see other kids his age or younger doing things he can't.  His biggest barrier continues to be communication.  We have come a very long way and the progress is what keeps us going.  As a mom, my frustration comes from my three year old not being able to say "I'm hungry" or make other simple requests.  We don't have screaming fits very often but when we do and we don't know why it can be frustrating, for us and him.  It usually ends in some tears and questioning but then I pick myself up and get ready for another day.

Another thing parents take for granted that are small blessings for us include hugs and kisses.  Every so often we can ask for a hug and get one.  Sometimes a hug comes in the form of some needed sensory input.  (Christopher loves squeezes) But we get a hug in the end.

We can also have difficulty with changes in routine but does well overall.  Christopher has his own agenda and when we disagree there may be a fit involved.  We are blessed in that his fits are typically short lived and Christopher is an overall happy child.  It also goes the opposite direction, when we say its time for bed (at night, not so much for naps) Christopher goes right to his bed lays down and goes to sleep (typically).  I have a picture calendar on the fridge that we use to show him where he is going that day.  He is cute when he looks at it, says no, and tries to change the picture.  He wants to go to Mee-Maw's and not to school.  It took a while to figure out why he wanted to go to church all of the time until I realized that the siding on the church kinda looked like mom's trailer.  I have new pictures to print but haven't gotten to that yet.

We have had problems in the past when I've had to leave someplace because of behaviors.  Halloween was difficult last year when I took both kids on my own to the mall and it was super crowded.  The long, slow moving line wasn't a help but when other kids were holding Thomas Trains or we neared the end of the mall where a little train ride was located it was dreadful.  I was able to let a few people move ahead of us to get some distance between us and Thomas-boy but when we neared the riding toy, it was time to go.  Unfortunately, Allison was on the losing end that night.  We were all tired but if not for Christopher's behavior we would have stayed longer.  She got plenty of candy but it was the need to get out of the mall RIGHT NOW that was negative for her.

I do tend to avoid doing things with both kids on my own.  Usually I can talk mom into going along if it isn't something Danny would be interested in. We're debating a trip to the zoo over spring break.  There is no way I'm taking that adventure on my own.